Drink Like It's Going To Be OUTLAWED!!!!

Drink Hard, Party Hard & Hooray for Boobies!!

 
    This is just to say to everyone who reads this and to all of you who will read this one day.  Have a Happy New Year.  I want to say for everyone to be safe and behave, but honestly,  I would rather everyone let loose a little, act a little immature and be a little daring and irresponsible.  I'm not talking about going out hammered and see how many mailboxes you can take down your your 4runner.  I mean, be yourself, but not the workaholic, stuffy, 75 hour a week work drone.  Be the guy or girl, that all your friends remember before life took you over.  If you live totally by the book, don't even bend any rules, you will become wound up tighter than a dolphin's butt...water tight!  We all need to let loose and just let it all come out so when we get back to our everyday normal lives on Monday, we are not so tightly wound up that when someone criticizes your work or even your hair, we end up seeing you on television because you beat down someone with your office chair and took a shit on the desk of your boss.  Hmmm, I am alone in the office now, it is tempting.
     With that being said, Have a Happy New Year, be safe but let loose. Let your hair down, raise your glass.  Cheers Bitch!!!  Oh, and I need to hear that someone went streaking this New Year's Eve! 

Tis My Season to Be Jolly

     So, today is Christmas Eve.  I have nothing bad to say about anyone and TCY himself is on a nice vacation for a few days away from stress, well away from stress at work anyways.  I just wanted to wish everyone, yes everyone, a Merry Christmas. Even all those douche bags who piss me off on a daily basis.  It's not their fault they are douche bags, they were just born that way.  Well, most of them were. Actually, the ones that know they are douche bags, they can just kiss my ass.
       For all you Christians out there - MERRY CHRISTMAS!  For all my Jews out there - HAPPY HANUKKAH!  For all the Atheist's out there - well, you will see one day.  And if you are one of those hypocritical Atheists - FUCK YOU!!!  If you have a Christmas tree up or stockings hanging over your fireplace or expect presents for a holiday that you don't believe in the meaning of then just take your hypocritical, fraudulent, phony, faithless lying ass and throw it in front of the big red sleigh with the jolly ole fat man driving it.
      This was going to be a nice Have a Merry Christmas post but then I started typing it and thought about those two-faced bastards out there who say there is no God or they don't believe in God but still put up Christmas trees, oops I mean X-mas trees and give and receive presents.

If I ever saw someone wearing this as a shirt, I would kick them in their nuts so hard, they would be singing soprano permanently. 

       Since I am a Rock Worshipper and it is the Season, I figured I would end this post on a positive note with a video I found that I thought anyone who likes Christmas Music and Electric Guitars would enjoy.  I found my favorite Christmas song, Carol of the Bells played along by a nice Ibanez(just so happens it is my favorite guitar also!). Enjoy and Merry Christmas to all those who actually know why we celebrate Christmas.



What's the Greatest Nation in the world??? DONation!

I hate when TCY has a good point.  Sometimes it drives me nuts to agree with him but I have to agree on this.  Read first, then I will comment.

Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur.  It seems to me more and more everyday that the world I was born into has went away and the world I'm in now isn't even a shadow of the one I find myself missing.

I was listening to one of the thousand toy drives for foster children that goes on during the Christmas season.  I could hardly believe my ears. The host of this drive said that you pick a child and you get a list of 3 toys that the child wants and you go into the store and buy all 3 items.  Now forgive me if I'm wrong but isn't it the thought and not the gift?  When exactly did Christmas become the time of year when you get precisely what you want?

We in the past have asked our children what do you want Santa to bring you to get an idea of what they might like, not to get a list that must be matched to the letter.  If I were to give to a toy drive, I'm buying what I want.  I'm not letting someone tell me "you must buy this item"!  Excuse me but Fuck That!  My wife tried this the other day.  We're shopping for a child that doesn't even talk yet, a baby, and my wife tells me we HAVE to get this item because that is what the MOTHER says her child would like. WHAT!!  This kid doesn't even talk.  I could give this kid cardboard and it would be happy but the MOOOTHERRR....say's the kid needs a 30.00 dollar toy. This is not the spirit of giving; this is the spirit of pick pocketing.  I will not be forced to buy a Christmas GIFT!!  GIFT people, do you understand the concept of GIFT?!?

I learned this important lesson when I was small, and I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was Christmas Eve and my Uncle had come over to give my brother and me a gift.  I opened mine first.  It was a Lincoln Log set.  My brother was next.  He opened a beautiful toy gun set.  I looked at the gun set with envy and opened my mouth saying "OH. You got a better gift than me!"  Before I got the me out of my mouth my mother had applied a right cross that would have made Tyson proud!  I made my parents embarrassed.  I embarrassed myself and my uncle.  I learned, as the swelling went down, that it was the thought not the gift.

Maybe it's way past overdue for a couple of kids to get the right cross? I’m just saying.

Grown-ups also need to learn this.  I have been asked this year by a couple of people what I want for Christmas.  My answer is true to the heart when I say, PEACE. Think about it. Your entire day is spent fighting something or someone for something. You fight at work, either to get your job done or to try to move up.  Hell, sometimes just to be heard!  You fight at home for the kids to listen, the wife to listen, the fuckin dog to listen.  You fight for parking spots!  You fight to pay bills, which is becoming a fight which is harder and harder to win these days. Wouldn't it be nice if someone could give you the gift of peace?

My gift to all of you this Christmas is to remind you that there is one who gives the gift of peace. Jesus.  He said, "My peace I give you.”  My wish is that you all experience this year, the peace of the Lord.  It is true when you hear Jesus is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas

TCY

Ok, I have to agree with TCY about the donation part.  A donation, according to Webster is:

Definition of DONATION

: the act or an instance of donating: as

a : the making of a gift especially to a charity or public institution

b : a free contribution : gift

See that part above? It says, wait, let me make it bigger...It says a free contribution: gift. It doesn't say a specific gift, or only if the receiver really wants it.  It just says a gift, the act of donating, the making of a gift especially to a charity.  If I was going to donate to a charity and the charity asked for specific toys for children, say a 500 piece Star Wars Death Star Lego Set, then they would get a bag filled with coal as a donation.  Wait, fuck that.  Coal is too expensive.  They would get a bag full of clay, not dirt but clay.  Dirt is hard to come by in the south, but there is plenty of clay! 


"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."
Anonymous

     Figured you might like this one TCY, enjoy! With the problems we have over-seas and worrying about terrorists and bombings and all that wonderful cheerful crap, I think the best way to deal with it is by joking and making fun of it.  If you take all the problems too serious, you will end up snapping, jumping off a bridge or throwing someone off a bridge.  Let's not talk about that now, don't want to give anyone any ideas, let's wait until after New Year's and then plant that seed in a few people's heads.  So enjoy and don't get offended by this.  It is all in fun and laughter, so lighten up, laugh and enjoy.  I know I did. 

Mors Vincit Omnia = Death Conquers All

Been very busy lately, haven't had time to write or post any of TCY's wonderful thoughts on the Christmas Season, or the many other holidays that take place in the month of December.  I did receive a few emails from TCY during my absence, so here is what he has to say.  I love that TCY is in the Christmas season.  Yes, I said Christmas season, not the Holiday season or even everyone's favorite X-Mas season.  Don't get me started on that again, I have been awake for 26 hours now.

Yesterday it was released from the Surgeon General that new studies have been made that show one cigarette can KILL you.  Studies show that the puff of a single cigarette can cause immediate damage to the lungs and change DNA leading to the dreaded C word....CANCER.  OH NO!!!  Well,  just when you thought things were as bad as they could get, I'm sorry to tell you but the Crankee himself has conducted a study.  The Crankee Yankee has found through extensive research that being born leads to death!

Yes, it's true!  I could not find one person in all of history that has survived life. Yes, there are those who have fought off the disease for many years but in the end, all have circum to the fatal life taking effects of life.  Even Christ himself did not make it out of having to experience death. He however was the only one strong enough to fight and conquer death and return from its grasp. I regret Crankee followers that entering into this Christmas season having to give you all the terrible truth that LIFE is a Fatal Disease! The good news is this. Excepting this truth gives you the freedom to enjoy LIFE!!!  Eat what you want!  Drink what you want!  And yes, my friends and the Surgeon General, SMOKE  What You Want!

Merry Christmas

TCY

Growing Old is Mandatory

     I positively, 100%, abso-freakin-lutely love it when TCY states something that you think, but you share with your significant other but never, ever share with the general public.  Yet here he goes, doing what he does best...bitchin and whining about something that most of us civilized people of society would never actually say out loud.  Yes, the majority of us think it, but none of us have the stones to say it, or the lack of brain power to say it. Check this shit out.

 

I had a thought while wondering around Wal-Mart this weekend. I had always thought that growing old would suck, but what I seen this week made me change my mind. Now this stuff happens all the time and I'm sure you've seen it but didn't pay much attention to it.

Old people have got it made!  Being Old is like having a license to do whatever you want to whoever you want and it's all for free.  Example, a little old lady is walking in the isle of Wal-Mart.  She doesn't look left or right as she comes out into the main isle running down the middle of the store.  Now if she hits you, she will look at you like you’re some kind of idiot for not having seen her in time for you to stop for her.  If you hit her.... brother you'd better run.   She will cut you 3 ways deep, wide and frequent with that little wrinkled up old mouth of hers.  She will call you anything but a child of God, and what can you do? NOTHING!!!  She's an old woman.  If you yell back you’re the ass, if you blame her, you’re the ass. It gets better.  Old people can and do use racial slurs, and what can you do? That's right, NOTHING!!  An old person can look you right in the face and call you the dreaded N word, or a Spic,  Jap, Heeb, Whop, Kike.  I think you get the picture. Then they can flip you off and walk away. They can call you an asshole tell you to fuck off, tell you you’re a jerk off or that you should have just been a cum stain.  And you can do nothing except take it.  If you turn on these older ass wipes the crowd will turn on you with everything they have including violence. Yes when you’re old you’re immune to all of society’s rules. You can fart in public, burp in restaurants, you can piss yourself and people will feel bad and help you into your clean shorts. You can go for days without a bath and no one will ever speak of how terrible you rank. Yes it's all true. I can't wait to get old. I want to see the looks on people’s faces when I try out my new found powers.

The trick is knowing when you’re old enough.  Too soon and you’re a dead mother... Try it out.  Dress like an old fart, go into Wal-Mart and try it. It’s better than cable TV

TCY....

I have to say that when I am a senior citizen, I will be one of those mean old men that does what he wants and still calls others an Asshole while I burp, fart and scratch myself all at the same time.  I don't know if I will go as far as to refer to people as they should have been just a cum stain but you never know.  The future is bright and unpredictable.  Maybe in 40 years when I am in my little rascal in a Super-Duper-MEGA Wal-mart('Cause we all know in the future, Wal-Mart will be running this country), running over little children, giving people the big long finger in the middle, and maybe...just maybe flashing a few people.  Will it be intentional or accidental, well it depends on what kind of mood I am in.   So with that being said, enjoy this nice little song from Dennis Leary, which sums up TCY when he is in his ripe old age.

Peyton Manning, You're My Hero.

     I'm not much of a football fan. I don't mind watching it.  Used to like to even play it, but I don't revolve my weekend around any game.  But TCY lives and breathes football.   If anyone actually engages in a conversation with TCY about football, they will find out quickly that he absolutely loves Peyton Manning.  Yeah, he loves him so much, TCY will be the one to dig the hole out in the Pine Barrens so that he is never heard from again.  TCY is an Anti-Manning Lover!!!

I think I found this sign in his man cave.



Last night was one of the best Monday night football games for me that I've had in a while. HOW BOUT THOSE PATS!!!!!!! Even coach Ryan had to admit it was a thorough ass whooping. Ladainian Tomlinson, eat it boy! If you hated the Pats while you were in San Diego, you must really hate em now that you play for the Jets.

I must admit I was concerned going into this game; the Jets are a much-improved team and still may end up with the AFC east. As for now however, the pendulum is definitely swinging with the Pats. I have a bar I built with a Patriot motif.  I’m hoping to have another Super Bowl pennant to hang in there. I fully understand that most people are tired of the Patriots; I felt the same about the damn 49ers. If I had to hear Montana to Rice one more time I would have jumped right off the roof. I sure you all are sick of Brady to Welker, but it sounds like sweet music in my ears. Play that funky music white boy!

Yeah you'd be in your 40's to understand that last sentence. I hoping to end up with 5 Super Bowls before Brady retires. I realize this isn't what most of you are looking at this website to read but give me one day to gloat. Oh and while I'm at it. Peyton Manning has very quietly lost the last 3 games for his team by throwing the ball into the arms of the opposition an unbelievable amount of times.  Very few people are saying the truth, Peyton lost the game, not the Colts. I can't stand being force fed a continuous diet of Manning. They aren't that good. Especially Archie and that little troll Eli; does anyone know who his real dad is?

I am sick of hearing the man crushes on Peyton. Let's face it, he runs up his numbers in what could be the weakest division in the AFC. He is good but not as great as these man crushers would have you believe. The Colts don't play anyone. Peyton Manning is taking on the Titans this week.  if I were on the Colts, I'd sack him myself just to remind him that there are 10 other players out there.

Well, thanks why I'm The Crankee Yankee, even when I'm happy I find something to go off on.

-Thanks

TCY.

Be A Caveman!!!

Football season just brings out the warm loving side of TCY.  It shows he has a caring and nurturing side of him that not many people ever get to see. Let's see what you think...

The NFL is starting to go the way of the rest of the country. First it was wear pink to support breast cancer. Now it's stop hitting so hard. Really? We as men in this country are going to stand by and watch them turn the NFL into Fag football?  I mean Flag Football. No!  Hell No!!!  I did mean Fag football. This week was riddled with terrible calls telling 258 lb men to stop hitting so hard. WTF?!?!  All of their lives they have been taught to hit hard, hit often and inflict pain on the poor individual that has the balls of invading your space.  2010, we are telling some of the toughest players the sport has ever known to play nice, don’t get hurt, hold hands and sing Sunshine on My Damn Shoulders.  We have ladies on the sidelines telling us things about our sport that most of them don't understand. At first they were all good looking so we quietly accepted this. This week I seen a giblet jawed 40-something female on the sidelines giving her 2 cents on what the boys were doing on the field.  How would women like it if we started putting ugly guys in soap opera’s?  Women, really is this what you want, feminized men?  

 NFL = NO FUCKING LADIES

Suppose the world went under a nuclear war tomorrow and all the people of the world became tribal.

·        Would you want a feminized man to protect you or a fuckin beast of a man?

·        Would you rather be caressed and gently laid in the bed and softly have love made to you?

·        OR would you rather be ravaged, thrown into the bed and have your world rocked!!! Your right:  ROCK ON BABY!!

And if this world goes medieval again, and it will, no woman is going to be looking for DR. Phil to help her. She'll be looking for THOR. But where will all the Thors be? This country in turning all the Thor's into Pansy-Asses, sensitive,Fem-Men. That's right FEM_MEN!

Let men be men and weed out the weak. If you’re afraid to get hurt, stay home! Nature does this all the time, it's called survival. Only the strong survive, and only the strong pass on genes to the next generation. In Nature, if the weak and sick got to mate, it would doom the species. Are we doomed yet? Pretty damn near!

Be a caveman!  The women say they don't like it but they lie... look at biker chicks. They're hot, little, young things hanging out with older, ugly, smelly, disgusting men. Why? Because they're MEN!!

So be a FEM-MAN and end up with sweet Poly Pure Bread who will nag you to your deathbed or be a CAVEMAN and get a hottie who will serve your every need.

-Fight Back!!

TCY

Merry F@ckin Christmas!!!

   
     Well, I was in a pretty good mood until I received TCY's part for this entry.  I haven't really thought about Christmas this year yet.  I just got over Thanksgiving and don't have my tree up yet so the Christmas spirit is not showing.  But after reading what TCY has to say, I am glad to say that my blood pressure is only slightly elevated and can't wait for some poor bastard to catch me on a bad day and say Happy Holidays!

   The Crankee Yankee says...

     Did you all make it through the Black Friday events?  Every year you hear horror stories of kind, warm-hearted people going to the store to get a loved one a Christmas gift to celebrate the birth of our Savior, the Son of the most high GOD, by kicking the living shit out of the next kind-hearted individual trying to get the same heartfelt gift.
Damn it man! Really!?!  Do people ever think things through? Their actions are completely contrary to the thoughts that brought them into the damn store to begin with. I think instead of handing out coupons or numbers for the privilege of buying some item that no one actually needs, we should have .......Holiday smack down!  Yes, yes!  Gather around people, we will be having a smack down free-for-all.  The last 10 people standing will receive one of only 10,000 Obama Chia Heads! The runner-ups can buy a Pelosi doll.
Hell, I would buy tickets to see the inbred S.O.B. that would take part in that.
There could be Death Matches for big items like 40" plasma TV's with a blue ray player.

     Please remind yourself of the meaning of the season.  If you really want to fight,  go to a store that has Merry XXX-Mas.  Now that's enough to get me to fight! They actually X out the name of Christ out of Christmas. Without the Christ where is the celebration?  Don't let them get away turning one of the most Holy holiday of the Christian faith into a winter fest or just a happy holiday.  NO!!  It is neither and it is damn sure not KWANZAA!!!!!
This my friends is something to fight over. My kids will give Christmas Cards, not holiday greeting cards. We will have Christmas parties not winter festivals.

Merry Christmas and fight back!!
TCY.

        The one thing that makes me want to bitch slap someone during the CHRISTMAS holiday,  is when they want to take out the word Christmas and put in Holiday.  Yes, Christmas is a holiday.  Christmas celebrates the birth of CHRIST.  Why does everyone want to change Christmas to other things.  That is what it is, Christmas plain and simple.  Do I try to change Halloween to Happy Holidays because there are some other holidays in October? Besides Halloween, did you know that October is also American Pharmacist Month?  It's also National Diabetes Month, yeah go and look it up.  It is also National Vegetarian Month, but don't get me started on that shit right now.  So with all this going on in October, should I say on October 31st, Hey, Happy Holidays?  Hell no, you say Happy Halloween and in December, you say Merry Fuckin Christmas.  Except if you are Jewish, than it is Happy Hanukkah.

To end this entry, here are two of my favorite Christmas quotes:

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
• Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out in the middle of nowhere and leave you for the dead?"

And my favorite one: --> Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.