Drink Like It's Going To Be OUTLAWED!!!!

Drink Hard, Party Hard & Hooray for Boobies!!

 
    This is just to say to everyone who reads this and to all of you who will read this one day.  Have a Happy New Year.  I want to say for everyone to be safe and behave, but honestly,  I would rather everyone let loose a little, act a little immature and be a little daring and irresponsible.  I'm not talking about going out hammered and see how many mailboxes you can take down your your 4runner.  I mean, be yourself, but not the workaholic, stuffy, 75 hour a week work drone.  Be the guy or girl, that all your friends remember before life took you over.  If you live totally by the book, don't even bend any rules, you will become wound up tighter than a dolphin's butt...water tight!  We all need to let loose and just let it all come out so when we get back to our everyday normal lives on Monday, we are not so tightly wound up that when someone criticizes your work or even your hair, we end up seeing you on television because you beat down someone with your office chair and took a shit on the desk of your boss.  Hmmm, I am alone in the office now, it is tempting.
     With that being said, Have a Happy New Year, be safe but let loose. Let your hair down, raise your glass.  Cheers Bitch!!!  Oh, and I need to hear that someone went streaking this New Year's Eve! 

Tis My Season to Be Jolly

     So, today is Christmas Eve.  I have nothing bad to say about anyone and TCY himself is on a nice vacation for a few days away from stress, well away from stress at work anyways.  I just wanted to wish everyone, yes everyone, a Merry Christmas. Even all those douche bags who piss me off on a daily basis.  It's not their fault they are douche bags, they were just born that way.  Well, most of them were. Actually, the ones that know they are douche bags, they can just kiss my ass.
       For all you Christians out there - MERRY CHRISTMAS!  For all my Jews out there - HAPPY HANUKKAH!  For all the Atheist's out there - well, you will see one day.  And if you are one of those hypocritical Atheists - FUCK YOU!!!  If you have a Christmas tree up or stockings hanging over your fireplace or expect presents for a holiday that you don't believe in the meaning of then just take your hypocritical, fraudulent, phony, faithless lying ass and throw it in front of the big red sleigh with the jolly ole fat man driving it.
      This was going to be a nice Have a Merry Christmas post but then I started typing it and thought about those two-faced bastards out there who say there is no God or they don't believe in God but still put up Christmas trees, oops I mean X-mas trees and give and receive presents.

If I ever saw someone wearing this as a shirt, I would kick them in their nuts so hard, they would be singing soprano permanently. 

       Since I am a Rock Worshipper and it is the Season, I figured I would end this post on a positive note with a video I found that I thought anyone who likes Christmas Music and Electric Guitars would enjoy.  I found my favorite Christmas song, Carol of the Bells played along by a nice Ibanez(just so happens it is my favorite guitar also!). Enjoy and Merry Christmas to all those who actually know why we celebrate Christmas.



What's the Greatest Nation in the world??? DONation!

I hate when TCY has a good point.  Sometimes it drives me nuts to agree with him but I have to agree on this.  Read first, then I will comment.

Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur.  It seems to me more and more everyday that the world I was born into has went away and the world I'm in now isn't even a shadow of the one I find myself missing.

I was listening to one of the thousand toy drives for foster children that goes on during the Christmas season.  I could hardly believe my ears. The host of this drive said that you pick a child and you get a list of 3 toys that the child wants and you go into the store and buy all 3 items.  Now forgive me if I'm wrong but isn't it the thought and not the gift?  When exactly did Christmas become the time of year when you get precisely what you want?

We in the past have asked our children what do you want Santa to bring you to get an idea of what they might like, not to get a list that must be matched to the letter.  If I were to give to a toy drive, I'm buying what I want.  I'm not letting someone tell me "you must buy this item"!  Excuse me but Fuck That!  My wife tried this the other day.  We're shopping for a child that doesn't even talk yet, a baby, and my wife tells me we HAVE to get this item because that is what the MOTHER says her child would like. WHAT!!  This kid doesn't even talk.  I could give this kid cardboard and it would be happy but the MOOOTHERRR....say's the kid needs a 30.00 dollar toy. This is not the spirit of giving; this is the spirit of pick pocketing.  I will not be forced to buy a Christmas GIFT!!  GIFT people, do you understand the concept of GIFT?!?

I learned this important lesson when I was small, and I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was Christmas Eve and my Uncle had come over to give my brother and me a gift.  I opened mine first.  It was a Lincoln Log set.  My brother was next.  He opened a beautiful toy gun set.  I looked at the gun set with envy and opened my mouth saying "OH. You got a better gift than me!"  Before I got the me out of my mouth my mother had applied a right cross that would have made Tyson proud!  I made my parents embarrassed.  I embarrassed myself and my uncle.  I learned, as the swelling went down, that it was the thought not the gift.

Maybe it's way past overdue for a couple of kids to get the right cross? I’m just saying.

Grown-ups also need to learn this.  I have been asked this year by a couple of people what I want for Christmas.  My answer is true to the heart when I say, PEACE. Think about it. Your entire day is spent fighting something or someone for something. You fight at work, either to get your job done or to try to move up.  Hell, sometimes just to be heard!  You fight at home for the kids to listen, the wife to listen, the fuckin dog to listen.  You fight for parking spots!  You fight to pay bills, which is becoming a fight which is harder and harder to win these days. Wouldn't it be nice if someone could give you the gift of peace?

My gift to all of you this Christmas is to remind you that there is one who gives the gift of peace. Jesus.  He said, "My peace I give you.”  My wish is that you all experience this year, the peace of the Lord.  It is true when you hear Jesus is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas

TCY

Ok, I have to agree with TCY about the donation part.  A donation, according to Webster is:

Definition of DONATION

: the act or an instance of donating: as

a : the making of a gift especially to a charity or public institution

b : a free contribution : gift

See that part above? It says, wait, let me make it bigger...It says a free contribution: gift. It doesn't say a specific gift, or only if the receiver really wants it.  It just says a gift, the act of donating, the making of a gift especially to a charity.  If I was going to donate to a charity and the charity asked for specific toys for children, say a 500 piece Star Wars Death Star Lego Set, then they would get a bag filled with coal as a donation.  Wait, fuck that.  Coal is too expensive.  They would get a bag full of clay, not dirt but clay.  Dirt is hard to come by in the south, but there is plenty of clay! 


"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."
Anonymous

     Figured you might like this one TCY, enjoy! With the problems we have over-seas and worrying about terrorists and bombings and all that wonderful cheerful crap, I think the best way to deal with it is by joking and making fun of it.  If you take all the problems too serious, you will end up snapping, jumping off a bridge or throwing someone off a bridge.  Let's not talk about that now, don't want to give anyone any ideas, let's wait until after New Year's and then plant that seed in a few people's heads.  So enjoy and don't get offended by this.  It is all in fun and laughter, so lighten up, laugh and enjoy.  I know I did. 

Mors Vincit Omnia = Death Conquers All

Been very busy lately, haven't had time to write or post any of TCY's wonderful thoughts on the Christmas Season, or the many other holidays that take place in the month of December.  I did receive a few emails from TCY during my absence, so here is what he has to say.  I love that TCY is in the Christmas season.  Yes, I said Christmas season, not the Holiday season or even everyone's favorite X-Mas season.  Don't get me started on that again, I have been awake for 26 hours now.

Yesterday it was released from the Surgeon General that new studies have been made that show one cigarette can KILL you.  Studies show that the puff of a single cigarette can cause immediate damage to the lungs and change DNA leading to the dreaded C word....CANCER.  OH NO!!!  Well,  just when you thought things were as bad as they could get, I'm sorry to tell you but the Crankee himself has conducted a study.  The Crankee Yankee has found through extensive research that being born leads to death!

Yes, it's true!  I could not find one person in all of history that has survived life. Yes, there are those who have fought off the disease for many years but in the end, all have circum to the fatal life taking effects of life.  Even Christ himself did not make it out of having to experience death. He however was the only one strong enough to fight and conquer death and return from its grasp. I regret Crankee followers that entering into this Christmas season having to give you all the terrible truth that LIFE is a Fatal Disease! The good news is this. Excepting this truth gives you the freedom to enjoy LIFE!!!  Eat what you want!  Drink what you want!  And yes, my friends and the Surgeon General, SMOKE  What You Want!

Merry Christmas

TCY

Growing Old is Mandatory

     I positively, 100%, abso-freakin-lutely love it when TCY states something that you think, but you share with your significant other but never, ever share with the general public.  Yet here he goes, doing what he does best...bitchin and whining about something that most of us civilized people of society would never actually say out loud.  Yes, the majority of us think it, but none of us have the stones to say it, or the lack of brain power to say it. Check this shit out.

 

I had a thought while wondering around Wal-Mart this weekend. I had always thought that growing old would suck, but what I seen this week made me change my mind. Now this stuff happens all the time and I'm sure you've seen it but didn't pay much attention to it.

Old people have got it made!  Being Old is like having a license to do whatever you want to whoever you want and it's all for free.  Example, a little old lady is walking in the isle of Wal-Mart.  She doesn't look left or right as she comes out into the main isle running down the middle of the store.  Now if she hits you, she will look at you like you’re some kind of idiot for not having seen her in time for you to stop for her.  If you hit her.... brother you'd better run.   She will cut you 3 ways deep, wide and frequent with that little wrinkled up old mouth of hers.  She will call you anything but a child of God, and what can you do? NOTHING!!!  She's an old woman.  If you yell back you’re the ass, if you blame her, you’re the ass. It gets better.  Old people can and do use racial slurs, and what can you do? That's right, NOTHING!!  An old person can look you right in the face and call you the dreaded N word, or a Spic,  Jap, Heeb, Whop, Kike.  I think you get the picture. Then they can flip you off and walk away. They can call you an asshole tell you to fuck off, tell you you’re a jerk off or that you should have just been a cum stain.  And you can do nothing except take it.  If you turn on these older ass wipes the crowd will turn on you with everything they have including violence. Yes when you’re old you’re immune to all of society’s rules. You can fart in public, burp in restaurants, you can piss yourself and people will feel bad and help you into your clean shorts. You can go for days without a bath and no one will ever speak of how terrible you rank. Yes it's all true. I can't wait to get old. I want to see the looks on people’s faces when I try out my new found powers.

The trick is knowing when you’re old enough.  Too soon and you’re a dead mother... Try it out.  Dress like an old fart, go into Wal-Mart and try it. It’s better than cable TV

TCY....

I have to say that when I am a senior citizen, I will be one of those mean old men that does what he wants and still calls others an Asshole while I burp, fart and scratch myself all at the same time.  I don't know if I will go as far as to refer to people as they should have been just a cum stain but you never know.  The future is bright and unpredictable.  Maybe in 40 years when I am in my little rascal in a Super-Duper-MEGA Wal-mart('Cause we all know in the future, Wal-Mart will be running this country), running over little children, giving people the big long finger in the middle, and maybe...just maybe flashing a few people.  Will it be intentional or accidental, well it depends on what kind of mood I am in.   So with that being said, enjoy this nice little song from Dennis Leary, which sums up TCY when he is in his ripe old age.

Peyton Manning, You're My Hero.

     I'm not much of a football fan. I don't mind watching it.  Used to like to even play it, but I don't revolve my weekend around any game.  But TCY lives and breathes football.   If anyone actually engages in a conversation with TCY about football, they will find out quickly that he absolutely loves Peyton Manning.  Yeah, he loves him so much, TCY will be the one to dig the hole out in the Pine Barrens so that he is never heard from again.  TCY is an Anti-Manning Lover!!!

I think I found this sign in his man cave.



Last night was one of the best Monday night football games for me that I've had in a while. HOW BOUT THOSE PATS!!!!!!! Even coach Ryan had to admit it was a thorough ass whooping. Ladainian Tomlinson, eat it boy! If you hated the Pats while you were in San Diego, you must really hate em now that you play for the Jets.

I must admit I was concerned going into this game; the Jets are a much-improved team and still may end up with the AFC east. As for now however, the pendulum is definitely swinging with the Pats. I have a bar I built with a Patriot motif.  I’m hoping to have another Super Bowl pennant to hang in there. I fully understand that most people are tired of the Patriots; I felt the same about the damn 49ers. If I had to hear Montana to Rice one more time I would have jumped right off the roof. I sure you all are sick of Brady to Welker, but it sounds like sweet music in my ears. Play that funky music white boy!

Yeah you'd be in your 40's to understand that last sentence. I hoping to end up with 5 Super Bowls before Brady retires. I realize this isn't what most of you are looking at this website to read but give me one day to gloat. Oh and while I'm at it. Peyton Manning has very quietly lost the last 3 games for his team by throwing the ball into the arms of the opposition an unbelievable amount of times.  Very few people are saying the truth, Peyton lost the game, not the Colts. I can't stand being force fed a continuous diet of Manning. They aren't that good. Especially Archie and that little troll Eli; does anyone know who his real dad is?

I am sick of hearing the man crushes on Peyton. Let's face it, he runs up his numbers in what could be the weakest division in the AFC. He is good but not as great as these man crushers would have you believe. The Colts don't play anyone. Peyton Manning is taking on the Titans this week.  if I were on the Colts, I'd sack him myself just to remind him that there are 10 other players out there.

Well, thanks why I'm The Crankee Yankee, even when I'm happy I find something to go off on.

-Thanks

TCY.

Be A Caveman!!!

Football season just brings out the warm loving side of TCY.  It shows he has a caring and nurturing side of him that not many people ever get to see. Let's see what you think...

The NFL is starting to go the way of the rest of the country. First it was wear pink to support breast cancer. Now it's stop hitting so hard. Really? We as men in this country are going to stand by and watch them turn the NFL into Fag football?  I mean Flag Football. No!  Hell No!!!  I did mean Fag football. This week was riddled with terrible calls telling 258 lb men to stop hitting so hard. WTF?!?!  All of their lives they have been taught to hit hard, hit often and inflict pain on the poor individual that has the balls of invading your space.  2010, we are telling some of the toughest players the sport has ever known to play nice, don’t get hurt, hold hands and sing Sunshine on My Damn Shoulders.  We have ladies on the sidelines telling us things about our sport that most of them don't understand. At first they were all good looking so we quietly accepted this. This week I seen a giblet jawed 40-something female on the sidelines giving her 2 cents on what the boys were doing on the field.  How would women like it if we started putting ugly guys in soap opera’s?  Women, really is this what you want, feminized men?  

 NFL = NO FUCKING LADIES

Suppose the world went under a nuclear war tomorrow and all the people of the world became tribal.

·        Would you want a feminized man to protect you or a fuckin beast of a man?

·        Would you rather be caressed and gently laid in the bed and softly have love made to you?

·        OR would you rather be ravaged, thrown into the bed and have your world rocked!!! Your right:  ROCK ON BABY!!

And if this world goes medieval again, and it will, no woman is going to be looking for DR. Phil to help her. She'll be looking for THOR. But where will all the Thors be? This country in turning all the Thor's into Pansy-Asses, sensitive,Fem-Men. That's right FEM_MEN!

Let men be men and weed out the weak. If you’re afraid to get hurt, stay home! Nature does this all the time, it's called survival. Only the strong survive, and only the strong pass on genes to the next generation. In Nature, if the weak and sick got to mate, it would doom the species. Are we doomed yet? Pretty damn near!

Be a caveman!  The women say they don't like it but they lie... look at biker chicks. They're hot, little, young things hanging out with older, ugly, smelly, disgusting men. Why? Because they're MEN!!

So be a FEM-MAN and end up with sweet Poly Pure Bread who will nag you to your deathbed or be a CAVEMAN and get a hottie who will serve your every need.

-Fight Back!!

TCY

Merry F@ckin Christmas!!!

   
     Well, I was in a pretty good mood until I received TCY's part for this entry.  I haven't really thought about Christmas this year yet.  I just got over Thanksgiving and don't have my tree up yet so the Christmas spirit is not showing.  But after reading what TCY has to say, I am glad to say that my blood pressure is only slightly elevated and can't wait for some poor bastard to catch me on a bad day and say Happy Holidays!

   The Crankee Yankee says...

     Did you all make it through the Black Friday events?  Every year you hear horror stories of kind, warm-hearted people going to the store to get a loved one a Christmas gift to celebrate the birth of our Savior, the Son of the most high GOD, by kicking the living shit out of the next kind-hearted individual trying to get the same heartfelt gift.
Damn it man! Really!?!  Do people ever think things through? Their actions are completely contrary to the thoughts that brought them into the damn store to begin with. I think instead of handing out coupons or numbers for the privilege of buying some item that no one actually needs, we should have .......Holiday smack down!  Yes, yes!  Gather around people, we will be having a smack down free-for-all.  The last 10 people standing will receive one of only 10,000 Obama Chia Heads! The runner-ups can buy a Pelosi doll.
Hell, I would buy tickets to see the inbred S.O.B. that would take part in that.
There could be Death Matches for big items like 40" plasma TV's with a blue ray player.

     Please remind yourself of the meaning of the season.  If you really want to fight,  go to a store that has Merry XXX-Mas.  Now that's enough to get me to fight! They actually X out the name of Christ out of Christmas. Without the Christ where is the celebration?  Don't let them get away turning one of the most Holy holiday of the Christian faith into a winter fest or just a happy holiday.  NO!!  It is neither and it is damn sure not KWANZAA!!!!!
This my friends is something to fight over. My kids will give Christmas Cards, not holiday greeting cards. We will have Christmas parties not winter festivals.

Merry Christmas and fight back!!
TCY.

        The one thing that makes me want to bitch slap someone during the CHRISTMAS holiday,  is when they want to take out the word Christmas and put in Holiday.  Yes, Christmas is a holiday.  Christmas celebrates the birth of CHRIST.  Why does everyone want to change Christmas to other things.  That is what it is, Christmas plain and simple.  Do I try to change Halloween to Happy Holidays because there are some other holidays in October? Besides Halloween, did you know that October is also American Pharmacist Month?  It's also National Diabetes Month, yeah go and look it up.  It is also National Vegetarian Month, but don't get me started on that shit right now.  So with all this going on in October, should I say on October 31st, Hey, Happy Holidays?  Hell no, you say Happy Halloween and in December, you say Merry Fuckin Christmas.  Except if you are Jewish, than it is Happy Hanukkah.

To end this entry, here are two of my favorite Christmas quotes:

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
• Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out in the middle of nowhere and leave you for the dead?"

And my favorite one: --> Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you?

Just some jokes TCY told me.

Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?

A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What’s a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off of a cliff in your new car.

Q. What’s the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What’s the definition of ‘Macho’?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a gold ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X’s on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it’s worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?

A. they both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between ‘ooooooh’ and ‘aaaaaaah’?

A. About three inches.

Q. What’s the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?

A. It’s not hard.

Q. What’s the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?

A. 45 pounds.

Q. What’s the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?

A. 45 minutes.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A. Breasts don’t have eyes.

Q. What is the difference between medium and rare?

A. Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A. They don’t have balls to scratch.

Live Well & Laugh Hard!!

One of my favorite comedians! Christopher Titus.  He sort of reminds me of TCY.  His disfunctionality just makes good humor! His views are a little different than most of society but in some warped way, they make sense.  Anyone has a good joke, comment back and tell all.  I love a good joke!

Delusions of Grandeur

Let's start with TCY first.

The holidays are upon us again and a lot of you will be driving long distances to be with loved ones. I recently had a long drive with the split-tail she-beast (my wife) and this thought came to me.  You have heard it said by me before that I believe that God has a great sense of humor.  The split-tail she-beast gave me more proof of this. God has apparently given each and every human being the desire to sing.  However... He only gave a very few the ability!!  Are you following me so far?

In fact if you thought about it, out of all the professional singers out there, how many do you listen to regularly?  Most people would say honestly they have about 12 singers that they truly could listen to everyday.  So why then my tone-deaf friends do you insist on singing in a car when other people are present?  Note, nobody enjoys hearing someone, or anyone else singing in a damn car when there is no escape.  I have tried to turn up the radio and the she-beast gets louder. Then it dawned on me, the louder the music the less she could hear herself.  So I turned the music down until it got her attention. She said "turn the music back up I can't hear it." I explained that I wanted her to hear what I did. I went on to share with her my fear that someone in a passing car would hear her deathly bellows and call the police thinking that I must surely be doing some serious bodily injury to her.

People, you can't sing. If you could, someone would be paying you to do so. Al-Qaeda should have such a weapon in their arsenal as your deafening screeches to music. If you find that you must sing in public, try a Karaoke bar. There you will find others of your species that believe fully that they too can sing and sing well. People, News Flash. If they suck, you suck too!

     The big difference is that in a Karaoke bar there is the possibility to leave. That and the fact that half the people their are singing and the other half are there to laugh at those, who are, for lack of a better word, are singing.  There are rare exceptions to this. Every once in a while you go to a bar and really hear someone who can belt out the vocals. I of course am one of these exceptions. I score very highly on guitar hero vocals and I can really get the people to stand up and take to the floor in the bars. Unfortunately it's because they can throw better from the floor then from the tables.

Have a great Thanksgiving, and STOP SINGING IN THE DAMN CAR!!!!!!

Fight Back

-TCY

I think this is TCY when Vocaling on GH - Nice Hair!

     I think sometimes TCY just has to suck it up!  I think singing in the car is a good outlet, a good place to vent and just sing loud and proud.  Yes, TCY was stuck in the car with his significant other, so maybe he has the right to vent.  I personally feel a great sense of release while driving to work to sing loud a little Mudvayne or Godsmack to get the necessary release to prevent myself from exploding at work.
     And just because you can score high on GH in vocals doesn't mean you can sing good outside the video game world TCY.  Just because I can play Hard level on GH doesn't mean I can rock out with MEGADETH on my Ibanez(that would be AWESOME!) I also have to agree with TCY, I can throw much better standing than sitting at the table.

Hey, TCY, is this your version of good karaoke?

Touching Sensitive Areas since 2001

 

    I've been wanting to write something about the TSA since last week, but wanted to get TCY's input first.  Here ya go:

I knew one day there would be government-sponsored whorehouses, and just like the government, they screw that up too.

Well, it's happened!  The TSA is the government whorehouse.  They'll feel you up, give you a reach around, they'll tickle your taint but the one thing they won't do is give you a happy ending.

Now I wonder, if while getting groped, what if you developed a woody?  Would that be considered a dangerous weapon and cause you to be removed from the plane?

And if I have to be felt up to get on a plane, I would request a line up of potential gropers. I'm just saying give us a choice of around 6 different young ladies so that we can get the feel like we actually have some kind of control over our bodies.

I believe if this is done right, America would soon come to accept this form of security and I can even see the airlines business picking up.  This could actually be the come back for Hooters airline; security would be the fluffers for the Hooter stewardess. OH YEAH! I'm onto something here!

• Penthouse airlines - The Stiffest Flight of Your Lives…
• Playboy airlines - Cum With Us and Fly....

But like I said, leave it to the government to Fuck Up a Whorehouse like TSA. Which apparently stands for Tits, Sack and Ass. That’s all they seem to be concerned with lately.

Fight Back!

-TCY 

I knew the TCY would pull through.  Here are some funny lines a friend sent me that the TSA could use as slogans:

• Can’t see London, Can’t See France,Unless We See Your Underpants.
• Grope Discounts Available
• If we did out job any better, we’d have to buy you dinner first!
• Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.
• Don’t worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy
• Wanna fly? Drop your fly!
• We’ve handled more balls than Barney Frank
• We are now free to move about your pants
• We rub you the wrong way, so you can be on your way
• It’s not a grope.  It’s a freedom pat.
• When in doubt, we make you whip it out.
• TSA: Touchin’, Squeezin’, Arrestin’
• YOU were a virgin!

• We handle more packages than the USPS.

To me this seems a bit extreme.  Yes, I am all for defending our country from terrorists but come on! Is it really necessary to shove your finger up an 8 yr old ass because he might have a fuse up there?  If this is the best our government can come up with, then we are fucked!  I know this is not what some people want to hear and I apologize for all my Allah worshiping friends but maybe we should start profiling at the airport? If I am a TSA extraordinaire and I see grandma, a 20 yr old co-ed, a couple of beer-bellied douche bags and a turban wearing dude...guess who I am going to check to see if there are dangerous contraband strapped under their balls?

          Profiling has been used before in the U.S.  Remember Pearl Harbor???  The Attorney General in 1942 had said that the presence of Japanese in California provided the opportunity for a repetition of Pearl Harbor.  The Attorney General also was all for the exclusion of all Japanese from within 200 miles of the California coast.  The Supreme Court had ruled that in time of war, the U.S. Government can act on justified racial discrimination in the name of national security.  National Security.  That is the one thing they can use to get away with anything.  Excuse miss, we need to search your bra in the name of National Security.  That is what it comes down to.  How creative can our government get in using the phrase "OF NATIONAL SECURITY?" 

Thank you, Come again.

    

     I have noticed a slight problem with this country.  Yes, there are many problems, some GINORMOUS and some not so big.  This one problem in particular just pisses me off to no end.  I hate, repeat, I HATE when a company outsources their labor to other countries, specifically customer service.  How is a person who's second language is English help me with my problem if we have a hard enough time understanding each other. 
     First off, taking these jobs and giving them to other countries while we have millions and millions of unemployed people in our country just makes me want to go find a copy of the Anarchist Cookbook and pick up where the Uni bomber left off.  Maybe our high and mighty President could get something going where if they don't outsource their labor and keep it in our country they can get a credit or some sort of tax break?  Unless, that is already in effect, and if that is the case, to all those companies that still outsource...SUCK MY ASS!!!
     Second, if a company does outsource, they should have a prerequisite...SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH!!!  It drives me crazy when I call and get someone who barely makes out any words in English and then cannot understand the question I am asking.  Thank God for customer service instant messaging.  This is the greatest invention since the computer!  Many companies now, are just a click away if you need assistance and you don't even have to speak directly to them.  Just type your question!!! No more deciphering their broken English and thick accents!!!  Too bad I couldn't deal with my boss that way.
     I know it costs a company more money to stay in this country.  I know labor from other countries is cheaper but maybe it is time to start looking for Quality and not FUCKING QUANTITY!!!  It may cost more but maybe the CEO of the company can due with only making 22 million this year instead of his normal 28 million?  The only companies that outsource are the big ones.  Those big companies, like T-Mobile, Verizon, Sony, blah blah blah,  make enough money where they can keep it in the states.  Now, the smaller companies, they keep it here because, well they have too.  They can't afford to go overseas and set up shop.  So they work on the things that don't cost money: customer service skills, caring, quality.  The problem is that big companies swallow up little companies.  The smaller companies may have the better service and quality but the big companies will under price so much, the little guys have no choice but to call it quits.  So, my advice is: FUCK THE BIG GUYS!!!  Support local business and fuck the giants!  I'm not saying boycott Wal-Mart.  I know I would love to tell Wal-Mart to suck it, but the truth is, I cannot afford it. That is what everything comes down to...money, money and more mother fucking money.  Let's just erase the debt and start over.  Who's with me?  Ever see Fight Club? If you erase all the debt, then we can start over with a clean slate.

Please, Sir, I Want Some More.

TCY says...

Yesterday we celebrated the sacrifice made by a few for the common good of many. Some sacrificed arms, legs, horrible burns. Still others made the ultimate sacrifice and laid down their lives.  Last week there was an election, we the American voter said through our votes to stop the wasteful spending in Washington DC. Great Job!!!  Now stop your fuckin bitchin when your favorite handout comes up for cutting!

Damn it man!  We finally get people in office that say,:

Congressman -  “Let's cut welfare.”

American Citizen -  "OH NO, not my welfare!” 

Congressman - “Ok, let's cut SSI. "

American Citizen – “OH NO, not my SSI!”

Congressman – “Ok, let's say no more extensions to un-employment.”

American Citizen – “ OH FUCK!  No not that!

Well, people what are you willing to sacrifice for a healthy economy?  I get it.  It's okay to cut programs that your not using, or don't intend to use. Come on you bunch of bed wetters.  Grow up!  To fix this mess we have got ourselves into is going to cause some pain. If you over spend in your checkbook, you have to do without something, whether you were looking forward to doing something or buying something. Right? So why is the government any different? We as a country have over spent.  Go tell the people you know on the government tit that we gave until it hurt, now we just can't give anymore. You will have to take care of yourselves. You are a parasite on the ass of Uncle Sam. Get a job Bitch!

There is a good side to this.  Families will once again have to get close to each other.  You will need them for support. And you better be nice to family or they'll tell to get fucked when you ask them for a meal.

The 30's were a very tough time to live in this country: soup lines, hobo's and poverty. What was the out come? THE GREATEST GENERATION that ever lived! They kicked ass all over the world and made America a super power and a force to be feared! They gave us the pride that the whole world wanted for their own country.  What do you think would have happened after World War 2 if the Muslims would be pulling the shit they're pulling today?  Bombs Away Mother Fucker! Glass sure would be easy to find in the middle east. We should never deal with cowards that attack women and children in malls, and we don't need to fight a PC war either. They train up their children to hate us in school.  Bomb the fucking school then!  We know that terrorists are hiding in a city, but the city people can't tell us where they are. Bomb the city! How many times do you think we would have to drop a bomb on a city before people start pointing out exactly where the terrorist are hiding?

Well, I got off course people. I have only one question.  Is this country worth giving up something you like or need for? If the answer is yes, let your congressperson know that we will do without their fucking handouts! We will take care of ourselves damn it.  And if the answer to that question is NO.  Then to you I say, “You are not willing to give up? Then GET THE FUCK OUT LEECHES!!!!

Fight back

TCY

     I love when TCY states how he feels about something.  Most people hold back because they have couth.  TCY has none, zero, zilch, nada.  But, that is what makes him the focus of this thing that we have here.  So, what is it that TCY is saying? We have Republicans with the majority now.  Things are going to start changing.  No more unnecessary spending, but that means cutting back on some areas.  I do support the welfare programs, the food stamp programs and social security.  The problems I have with them are the people who abuse it.  I understand, people fall into tough times and sometimes need assistance to get back on their feet but when you abuse the system, and keep taking because you are too fucking lazy to want to go back out into the workforce, that is when it makes me want to go out hunting, Surviving the Game style.  Never seen that movie, go and rent it, or download it.  Awesome movie!   
     I also think that if you are on welfare, or food stamps, there should be a rule that you cannot drive a car that is worth more than what you make in a year times two, then you lose your welfare privileges.  It is not right that the government is paying someone who has fallen on hard times and that same person is rollin with a nice Lexus with chrome spinners and sippin on Cavasier! While I am driving my 1978 Cutlass Supreme and sippin on Old Milwaukee!!!

For Those Who Rock - We Salute You!!!

    Today is Veteran's Day.  What does it mean? Officially it is an annual United States holiday that honors military veterans.  It always falls on November 11th, to remember the signing of the Armistice that ended World War 1.  It was formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.  Now, I am all for conspiracy theories, especially ones that have to do with the US Government, whether is has some symbolism with the number 11 as above or whether  it is a coincidence that Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy and Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.  Hell, I am even with the conspiracy about the government cover up of extra terrestrials. But let's stick with the point here.   What does Veterans Day mean to some? Well, many people get off from school and from work.  Let me just say that my son had school today and I went to work as the ever so happy worker as usual.  Really, the only ones who get off of work to honor our Veterans, you know, those who fought bravely to keep my sorry ass from being a communist, are government workers and banks.  Banks close for any holiday.  I am real surprised that they are opened on Flag Day.  Give it a few more years and they will be. 
     Anyway, Veteran's Day means a little more to me.  It reminds me that even though there are troubles and problems in my life, they don't compare with  the rest of the country.  I worry day to day about petty things, such as money, more time to do non-productive things and the philosophy of less work and more play.  The country has to worry about terrorist attacks again, massive outbreak of some foreign flu or epidemic, starving families on the street, senators in bathroom stalls and a shit ton more.  My problems aren't JACK SHIT compared to this country's.  And you know what, it could be a whole lot worse if it wasn't for our Veterans, those who fought in WWI, WWII, the Persian Gulf, Kosovo, Vietnam, Korean, ...hell, I could go on and on.  They fought to protect our freedom so that each and everyday, I have the opportunity to go to work and earn a living for my family and not some Nazi dictator.  Okay, all I am saying is, THANK YOU!  Thank you to all the men and women who have fought and are fighting right now for protecting me from the bad guys. I appreciate everything you do and everything you have done to keep my family, friends and my sorry ass safe.
      I know this is an outlet for TCY and an amusing read for others, but TCY just did not have anything to say today.  Maybe he was too busy honoring the veterans in his life instead of wasting his time here.  So just enjoy the quietness right now, and thank a Veteran.  I personally have never served in the armed forces.  When i was fresh out of high school, I didn't want to join.  There were recruiters at my school.  I was selfish and only thought about myself.  I didn't want to put myself in harms way for a country I didn't really give a crap about.  But being grown up now, well, as grown up as I will ever be, I do regret a little that I did not serve for my country.  I do know that The Crankee Yankee himself served, and I would like to thank him also.  Damn, I feel sorry for the guy who got in his way when he was in a mood. 
     Also,  I would like to personally thank my cousin.  She is in the Army, and she is kicking bad guy's ASSES!!!  Since I don't say specific names here, when she reads this, she will know who I mean.  I would also like to thank my father-in-law for serving and my grandfather for kicking some bad guys ass!  Once again, to all the Veterans and the One Day to Be Veterans...THANK YOU!

No Hablo Ingles Hijo de Puta

    
     Here's another problem with our country that our President just can't seem to fix or get under control.  But in his defense, there is no real answer.  Illegal immigration.  Yes, my great great-grandparents came over from another country.  Yes, they were immigrants, but they came here legally.  I am all for immigration but it needs to be done legally.  I understand that even though we have many problems in our country, high unemployment, a few high crime areas, it is nothing compared to some other countries. Afghanistan and Liberia have an unemployment rate more than double ours now at 15%!  Countries with murder rates doubled than ours: Russia, Mexico and the most deadliest city to live in...Caracus Venezuela.  So even though times are tough here, there are much worse places to be.  So I understand why people want to come here, just do it illegally.  By legally becoming an American citizen, you can contribute to our country by paying taxes...that is until the Fair Tax takes over.  Once that happens, it doesn't matter who you are, this country will get the taxes not just from the hard working man, but from the illegal aliens, the non-tax paying politicians who think they don't have to pay and the hard working pimps out there who don't pay taxes on their women they work so hard!  Anyway, here he is.  TCY himself:

Ok, it's time to talk about the illegal army that has taken up residence in our country, taking our jobs and draining our resources.  Yes the ever-advancing swarm from the south.  Now don't get me wrong, I believe that this country was made great on the backs of hard working immigrants from all over the world coming here to build a future as Americans.  Allow me to give you all some examples of the differences.

In the past, people would want to come here to the big melting pot to become Americans. Today, to often people are coming here not to be Americans, but instead to try to claim for themselves a new country that they believe they are owed. To address these people I say, “Our ancestors killed your ancestors fair and square to win for us a new great nation. Now if need be, I can see history repeating it self. They can and will eventually be defeated as with any other invading army has been defeated.”

            There is a right way of coming to America and to take part in the American dream. My relatives came over in the 30’s; they had to have sponsors that promised the government that the new incomers would have a place to live and a job so as not to be a drain on society. They also came here not to be Italians or Polish or Germans or what have you. They came here to be Americans. Not hyphenated Americans, i.e. Italian- American, Polish- American, fill in the blank. They taught their children English. "ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?"  They taught them the ways of the old country, but also made sure they knew why America was better.

WE don't see this love of country today. We see  people wanting handouts and benifits and their language spoken everywhere, written even on a ballot. BULLSHIT!!!! If you don't try to speak our language don't even try to pick our leaders.  This doesn't apply to all immigrants obviously, but where is the outcry from the good legal immigrants?  And where my friend is the loyalty of the American? Do you hire American landscapers? Do you go to American owned stores and gas stations? Yeah, you’re damn right they're hard to find!  It's going to get harder. Do you rent to illegals or even check to see if they are legal?

We all have a part to play in this. Do yours, I'll do mine, and this problem will go away. Peacefully. If they can't find jobs, can't rent homes, can't open successful business, they'll go home.

Fight back

TCY

Fallatio or Cunnilingus???

     Well, even though this topic is in the news lately, I just don't hear too many people expressing their views. I think because it is such a sensitive topic, people shun away and usually only talk amongst their friend about how they feel.  The topic is the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy in the armed services.  I just don't get it.  Does it make a difference whether the guy on the front lines likes to take it in the ass more than your girlfriend? Or does it matter that he likes boobies as much as you do?  When it comes to defending our country from terrorists, I don't give a fuck when the dude, or lady, likes to do in the sack! As long as he or she is good at what they are trained to do out in the field.  Are you going to treat the Private Whatever any different based on whether he likes blondes or redheads? Of course not!! So what's the difference if he likes to tickle a sack instead of some titties? Absolutely NOTHING!!! If anyone has a problem, then tell them to shut the fuck up and go get a gun instead.  Let them go defend our country.  I didn't know that the requirements to carry and gun and defend your country was:

1.  If you are a man, you must like the bearded clam!
2. If you are a woman, you must like to ride the baloney pony!

Here is TCY's thoughts on the subject at hand:

I was pondering the mysteries of the world the other day and my thoughts of the whole “Don't Ask, Don't Tell” thing in the military came to mind. There are a lot of reasons for this rule to stay. One reason is for the safety of the gay person. Let's face it, there are a lot of people who for some reason, let what someone else does in their bedrooms bother them. I surely don't agree with their choice, but I would not beat the holy crap out of someone for it. Unless of course I were related to them. Also, the rule should stay just for the chain of commands sake!  Imagine the problems a Sgt would have in boot camp. When a Sgt says today "OK, lady's. Let's get your heads out of your asses.” Well, you could see how this could be misunderstood by a bunch of fudge packers. The straight soldiers would wonder too if this was a general statement or one exclusively for the rump riders in the platoons. Admittedly, I don't understand gay men. Especially the ones that have been married with children then one day, out of nowhere they decide, "
You know what I think?  I'll be gay." The decision is baffling. How do you go to bed munching on hair pie and wake up the next morning and say, "You know what I feel like? A dick in the ass!" Mental fucking illness if you ask me.

Now women I get.  I can see why they would want to play the easy side of the field for awhile.  Muff diving has got to be easier on a person than stuffing a cucumber sized object down your throat until a wave of ick makes your stomach cringe. Muff diving only requires that you leave at least one nostrile open for breathing. No gaging, no mouthful of ick. In fact, I heard it once said by a woman that the characteristics for a perfect man are:

·        Cooks

·        Cleans

·        Can breath through his ears and have a TV mounted on his forehead.

Strangely, this is the same requirements for a perfect woman. Oh, and quiet.  She must, for GOD’s sake, be quiet!

So, let the Don't Ask, Don't Tell rule stay, we'll figure out who the peter puffers are soon enough. When the wind blows, the big opened up assholeswill  whistle show tunes!

Fight back TCY..

Looters, Flamers and Mayors...Oh My!

Let's just start this off straight from what TCY wants to say.

The fall. What a great time of the year. The wind has a refreshing cool feel, the leaves are full of bright colors as they gently cascade to the ground, and of course fall baseball, the World Series. YEAH! RIGHT!!

Last night we all witnessed why certain cities in this country shouldn’t be allowed out after dark. San Francisco, well they really put a different turn on the usual use of the word Flamer.  Every time I see this I just want to scream.  A team wins a championship and to celebrate, a bunch of non-property owners burn down someone else’s property?!?  How do I know they’re not property owners? Well, because anyone that has ever had to work for something would have more respect for someone else’s property.  If it we’re me as mayor of that town, I would have ordered shoot to kill instructions to all law enforcement!  First, shoot for me for being mayor of a flamer city like San Francisco, and then shoot the little bastards that think burning down a city is the way people should celebrate. That’s how you stop this kind of stuff forever! 

Remember when I was talking about passing on genes to the next generation? Do you really think that any of these people should be allowed to pass on their genes? This is the same kind of thinking that prisoners have. They’ll burn their cells and cell blocks to protest having HBO taken away. I’d let them S.O.B’s live in their own burnt out shit holes just to show them who’s in charge here.

Which brings me back to San Francisco, Who’s in charge there anyway? A bunch of burnt out leftover flower children from the 60”s? Exactly! Remember, this is where Barbara Boxer comes from. Her friends just call her Moonbeam.  I can’t hardly contain myself when I see lines of police officers equipped with riot gear standing there holding hands and singing give peace a chance while 30 or so little punks throw rocks and burn buildings. Oh! I almost forgot, no championship is complete without LOOTING!!!!! Hey any excuse to steal what someone else has worked for is a neighborhood free for all. You steal the steaks and I’ll steal the hotdogs and we can have a cookout over the corner drugstore’s smoldering remains.

Makes me that much prouder to be a Patriots fan, 3 Super Bowl championships, No Riots!!

Vote 4 Me Bitch!

So, today is November 2nd.  Let's go out and vote!  Yeah, maybe the person I vote for: President of the United States, Congressman or Governor - whomever  will make the choices I want them to make and the world will be a better place because of it.  FUCK THAT BULLSHIT!!! Phew, now that I have taken that off my chest and put it out on the world wide web, I can get on with my day.  All politicians, no matter how small or big are BIG FAT LIARS!!  They are politicians because they can tell you whatever it is that you want to hear and twist it into something that resembles a smushed up prune.  I don't believe politicians, I never have believed politicians and most importantly will NEVER believe politicians.  They only tell you what you want to hear so you will vote for them, get them elected and then they get to figure out how they can spend our money, buy their underage hookers, sniff, snort, smoke or shoot their illegal drugs with our hard earned money!  I have never met or heard a politician stick with what they have promised us.  There are always excuses but I just don't have the energy to go into it...right now.  Here is TCY's view, enjoy.  I know I always do. 

     Today is voting day, but I have a real problem with voting day here in Georgia and many other states that don’t allow alcohol purchases during the polling hours. Seriously, WTF?!?!?!  Is it me or is this just wrong?  Hey someone tell me, how does someone vote for this collection of liars and bandits with a sober mind. If we were in our right minds we’d be in Washington cleaning out their offices for good. I’m watching this year closer than most. We are electing a new batch of leaders, and they claim to be for smaller government and cutting spending. OK, well see. I smell BULLSHIT!!!  Most years the first story you hear of your new representative is how much money( your money) that he or she spent to decorate their office. I think if they are trying to cut costs, ok charge the taxpayer for a coat of paint, you know, to get the stink out from the representative that was voted out. The furniture that is there is GOOD ENOUGH!!! Hell the guy that bought it before you spent a small fortune for it. The taxpayers should only buy office furniture once every 10 years, those jokers are never in their offices anyway. Try to call one at the office see how many times they are in there! 

     Back to the alcohol. Funny that we the people elect people who always do things that we the people don’t want, and we let them get away with it.  Remind your congressman that we have elected a representative, not a daddy, not a babysitter!  We don’t need them to run our lives, hell most of them can’t even run theirs.  If we want booze, we don’t need some pampas ass to tell me no,  not today. BITE ME!  We are grown people, as a matter of fact we are their damn boss!  We need only a group of citizens that will serve as a member of the governing body. Congressmen were never intended to be in Washington as their full time job. Funny thing about this no alcohol is that tonight when you watch the results, the first thing they do is POP A TOP on some champagne to celebrate. What are they celebrating, aren’t they going there to work?

Why does a person spend millions on advertisements running a campaign for a job that pays less than 200,0000 a year? Maybe if I had a job that allowed me to give myself a raise I’d celebrate too.

So, my answer to this is if the governor, mayor, president, senator, congressman or whomever wants to "help us" and do "what's best for us", then why not knock down his salary down to what a normal hard working man gets paid and treat him the way an employee is treated but also expect from him or her what we all would expect from an employee.  There are perks but there are also rules and policies.  Let's say the President, yes the President of the United States of America gets 200K a year.  And let's say he works a 14 hour day.  Now this doesn't count his breaks playing golf, banging interns in the oval office, going into bathroom stalls to pick up men or even hunting fellow co-workers, errr I mean ducks.  Just 14 hours of hard, honest work. That is 70 hours a week, because on the weekend he is sitting in his giant, well manicured white house, watching the ball game like any other warm blooded American will do.   Anyway, 200K at 52 weeks a year is $3,846 a week for 70 hours a week is $55 an hour.  Not too shabby.  I can fully justify paying a man $55 an hour with all the bullshit he has to put up with and do BUT and I repeat BUT if that guy I am paying $55 an hour for fucks up, repeatedly and goes against company policy and goes behind his boss's back and steals and cheats and lies, he will be verbally warned, then written up one or twice or three times but finally he will be SHIT CANNED OUTTA HERE!!!!  After all, the President works for us, for the people.  We voted for him and he serves us!  Well damn it, the next time a politician does something against public policy.  We need to get HR involved and fire his ass before he can file a disability claim!!!

Hot damn, didn't mean to write that much but I feel much better now.  I may have been more cranked up than The Crankee Yankee but damn it all to hell, I too am a cranky yankee.  But by no means can I comare to the original.

Story Time - Part I

I love Friday's.  Good time to hear TCY's stories, which may seem outlandish for the regular mild mannered human but for TCY, it's a regular part of life.

    

Have you ever had an in-law live with you? Well, I had a mother-in-law stay with me for awhile. Now, I’ve always tried to be a nice guy whenever possible. My mother-in-law came to me weighing in at about 270lbs,  she stood about 5’7”  which means she was as tall as she was round.  The amount of pills this woman took would fill most people up. It could actually count as one of the 3 meals for a day.  So I decided that I would help this woman loose weight, after all I was the one feeding her. I offered up several different diet plans including the Just Shut Your Fuckin Mouth Method You Cow!  I guess after all the ribbing, she came around and started eating smaller portions. We were able to put the serving platter away in reserve for the holidays and she started eating out of a small dessert dish. I thought for sure she would start loosing weight like crazy. Unfortunately this did not happen. I began to see strange things. I saw fork marks in the ice cream. I asked about the strange finding and my bubble-butted in-law told me she thought it was one of the boys. So I went to the boys and told them that this was disgusting and to never do it again. They swore they hadn’t done it. Of course, boys always say they didn’t do it, no matter what.  I had to apologize to those boys because two weeks later I awoke in the middle of the night and needed a drink of water. I went into the kitchen and when I flipped on the light, what did my wondrous eyes see? 270 LBS OF ASS sticking out of the refrigerator! The porky bitch nearly busted her head trying to get her face out of the leftovers. I was shocked. I yelled,  “THAT’S IT!! THAT’S WHY YOU’RE NOT LOOSING WEIGHT! YOU’RE A FUCKIN COCKA-ROACH! YOU COME OUT TO FEED AT NIGHT, JUST LIKE A COCKA-ROACH!!!!  The wife woke up and ran to see what was going on and told her,”YOUR MOTHER’S A COCKA-ROACH!!! And I think SHE’S FORKING THE ICE CREAM TOO!!!

I will share more stories later.

-TCY

     I love when Northern Yankee men get upset about something when they are not expecting it.  Sort of like when Tony Soprano flips shit over something stupid but the only difference is TCY doesn't carry a concealed weapons...I think. You know the look, they turn red in the face, that vein on their neck or the one on the forehead starts to stick out, the heavy breathing kicks in and soon enough something gets thrown.  I am also pretty sure TCY doesn't have the connections to make someone disappear with one phone call, but then again he is from the land of the Yankee's and we all know that all Yankee's are in the mob.